I have an obsessive need to make lists spurned on by my addiction to office supplies. This is a two prong inter-related problem similar to prostitution and meth.
Don’t believe me?
Back when I was with my ex-hunk of a fiance – let’s call him Mr. Right-But-We-Went-Wrong, he happened to “borrow” Clicky – ( yes I name my pens – don’t act like you don’t) and lost him. I cried. I put up posters, filed a report…nothing.
Mr. Right-But-We-Went-Wrong bought me a replacement:
Clicky 2.0. It wasn’t the same. Like The Godfather Pt. 3
I have a serious thing for office supplies – all kinds – I am an equal office supply junkie offender.
Still not getting it?
Okay, look – you know the people that have a hundred different kinds of plastic surgery and start looking like a cat or Michael Jackson or a Michael Jackson cat?
well this situation is the same thing. I blame back to school shopping for the addictive feeling of wiping the slate clean – a new Trapper Keeper is the same as having the fat sucked from underneath one’s eyes sockets.
For example my eighth grade heart knew my marbleized notebook was going to save me from the terror that was trigonometry even if I had failed seventh grade math – my past was irrelevant – so said my fresh start of a new notebook. The same feeling must be what drives Joan Rivers to the knife. It has to be.
*please note the artistic cat drawing on cover -the parallels between office supply junkies and plastic surgery cat addicts united way back then.
This brings me to my point – list making – I do it obsessively and about everything- I have the office supplies to keep this going times infinity.
On today’s docket:
THINGS THAT CAN BE VIRGINIZED:
- cocktails (but really what is the point isn’t that just juice?)
- unfertilized gamets
- computer systems
- unalloyed metal
- homo sapiens (if they never mated)
- olive oil – The Jordon of virgins due to its bad ass category of Extra Virgin
*I wish I was joking.
**Does this list make me look
desperate? highly selective?
***Desperate would have been the countdown widget thingy similar to the national debt crisis counter I was contemplating adding to the home page of the blog. Number of days without sex______ and just have the number escalating by the minute. (Idea tabled- to be revisited at a later date).
****BG22QFJVEV47 – these are not my home coordinates (I AM NOT THAT DESPERATE) it’s something the blog cyber bots requested – when cyber bots speak I listen.
***** Clicky if you read this – Mommy loves you baby!