sex toy phone home

“Is that a sex toy in your purse?” Hoops asks.

For once in my life why can’t I be the girl that has a nine inch bright pink dildo stashed in her purse at half past noon on a Thursday?

Instead I am the girl that believes she is going to get a tumor on the side of her face due to the amount of time logged on my cell phone.

“It’s my headset.” I say.

Which sounds as sexy as admitting that I sleep with a mouth guard. Which brings me to the next question: when do you break out the mouth guard? All this… let’s sleep over – not have sex and let me not wear my mouth guard is causing dental guilt. See how I totally need to be Dildo Girl? Dildo Girl wouldn’t be talking about dental hygiene.

I blame my mother for this. She bought me the pink Barbie headset  and look what she uses for her land line:

2 thoughts on “sex toy phone home

  1. Um, I wear a mouth guard. There was a time when I felt so sexy! I had a mouth guard, braces on both wrists and had to wear orthotics. Ooh, baby. I was HOT!

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